Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
