Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm passing your future prison.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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