Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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