We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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