just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
