Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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