I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
