At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
