No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Girls should come with a carfax report
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
