In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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