Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
