Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
