so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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