The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
