mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
someone owes me an orgasm
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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