Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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