ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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