my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize