I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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