Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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