Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My hand turned me down
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
