I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
