I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
