The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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