I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
