Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
