i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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