There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
