Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
