She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
