I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
