no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
