Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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