so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
