just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
