i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
