Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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