I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
