So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
