We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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