I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
