Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
