I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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