my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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