i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
