Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
