mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
