What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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