apparently the secret to your success is patron
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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