i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
