I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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