At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize