a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
