Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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