do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
