haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
