Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
