Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
id be glad to
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
