if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
