I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
