He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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