I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
