she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you would pick up someone in the library
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
